I know I've mentioned this before at least once. Maybe twice (or more).
I'm working on a part of Evva's story that came to me in a spark of inspiration during the first draft. It fits so perfectly. But it seems like it might come off as super tacky. It's one of those things that could be super cool, or super dumb depending on who's reading it. It would make such an awesome picture though XD
Huuurgh, I have no idea if I should take it out. But I don't want to. TT^TT

I'm always afraid it will have to get chopped out in the future. It won't be hard to do (except emotionally XD ).

Newsletter

Oooh, the zoo used one of my photos in today's newsletter!

(This one of our handsome lion)

Why do People Have to Outgrow Adventures?

Merry Christmas Everyone!
I'm just getting over a cold. I feel a lot better, but my voice has almost stopped working entirely. It's eerie to say something and have no noise come out. Or to try to make an announcement at work and have your voice cracking all over the place.
I did have work today, so all that talking certainly didn't help.

I'm in the middle of My Neighbor Totoro.
It's not the first time I've thought this, but it's the first time I thought about writing it down. You see it in movies sometimes - including some movies that I dearly love like Totoro and Kiki's Delivery Service.
In Totoro, people can only see Totoro and the cat bus and everything when they're children. None of the adults see the cat bus dashing past.

And in Kiki's Delivery Service, Kiki can no longer speak to Jiji once she grows up (although they changed this in the English version of the movie).

(Also in Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap, only children can see the Picori)

Only children have access to these magical things. When they grow up, they outgrow them.

That always seemed unfair to me. Sure, plenty of adults abandon their child-like innocence and that love of adventure and fantasy. But not everyone. Why can't adults see cool creatures or talk to cats?

In one book I read, all children are born knowing how to talk to animals. But as they grow up, all the adults say that it's impossible to talk to animals. They insist that the kids are making it up. Eventually children start to believe it and they lose that ability. Very few people retain it as an adult.
I like to believe that's what's going on here XD.

I addressed something similar in Evva's story.
In some old mythology, unicorns were said to only come to virgins. That seemed unfair in the same way (though people back then had some pretty messed up views on the value of women). I took it as a metaphorical thing, that unicorns come to the pure of heart, or the innocent.
So in my world, unicorns only come to the innocent, aka the pure of heart.
Innocence doesn't necessarily mean that you have no idea what evil is. An even stronger form of innocence is knowing evil, but not letting it in. So it's easier for children to be innocent, but it's quite possible for adults too.

The unicorn in my story, Frostfall, is happy to hang out with the married couple, as well as the young girl.
It was after I wrote this that I read a short story by Peter S. Beagle: author of The Last Unicorn. In that story, the woman thought she would never be able to see a unicorn again because she was no longer a virgin. But the unicorn came back to her anyway, and the myth proved to be true. And I went, "Yesss, thank you."
I like his wording for it. In The Last Unicorn, he says that unicorns are "visible only to those who seek and trust."

It doesn't matter what age you are. You can always seek and trust, if you let yourself.

Heck, I'd be just as happy to go on a magical journey now as I was when I was in elementary school.

Whenever I'm editing a story, there's always an entire chapter that I end up adding later in the process.

In Katani's story, that happened after multiple rewrites. It was something I'd been wanting to add for ages, but could never find a good spot for it. They visit the land where Katani's dad came from, so Katani gets to see a bit of his own history. And we get a better sense of Melly as well.

(I don't know if I ever actually posted this, but it's a drawing of Melly)


In my graduate story, the chapter I added was basically a false lead in the search for the missing girl. It might seem like a waste of time, but without it, the search felt far too easy. It let us see more of the world too. And as I was writing it, one character came out so strongly that he ended up being my favorite character in the story.

Now in Evva's story I'm starting to think about a chapter that I need to add in. I've had it in my head for a while, but only vaguely. Then it started to get a solid shape just a couple weeks ago. I think it will give me more of a chance to try to solidify my cruddy romantic writing. And it will also give the ecological theme a much stronger standing.
It will involve some research though.

Differnet Speeches, Different Thoughts

I finished the book called Braiding Sweetgrass. It was beautiful.

There was a lot of fascinating stuff. But I think the most relevant topic to this blog is about language. The author was learning to speak Potawatomi.

It's amazing how the structure of a language reflects how cultures think. For example there is no word in Potawotami for "thank you." Sounds rude, right? Exactly the opposite. The thanks is implied. It is expected that you are grateful for everything you receive.
There are also very few nouns in Potawatomi. Things we usually consider as nouns are structured like verbs. For example a bay, along an ocean or lake. A bay is not a thing. It is "the process of being a bay." This is because the bay is never the same. Water is always moving through it. Tides change, plants and animals come and go. It is not static and dead. It is a fluid thing that changes with time.
American Indians had such a deep understanding and respect for the land. They relied on the land after all. If they abused it, they would run out of resources and die.
Compare that to the people that took over the country. They destroyed most of the native people (especially their cultures), wiped out the forests and animals, and now we're destroying the climate along with so many other natural systems.
Anyway, I'll try not to go down that path.
What do we do? Respect the world! If you need to buy something, find out where it comes from. Respect the source. Do what you can to make your actions as Earth-friendly as possible.
In the meantime. I'm going to try to find myself some sweetgrass to plant this spring.

New Nostalgia

Is it possible to feel nostalgic about something that's only a year old?
I watched part of Coco yesterday and it felt like I'd known it all my life.


I wonder how much I would have apperciated Coco if I saw it as a kid. I'm sure I would have liked it.
I probably would have gone into the movie with far fewer doubts about the quality of a Pixar film XD. But I wouldn't have understood the deeper levels of the movie as far as character and plot development go. I don't think I would have loved Hector as much as I do after learning so much about character development.
Yeah, creating stories can either make or break your appreciation of someone else's story. @_@

Filling the Gaps

I keep wondering what new story I'll start next.
As always, all of my ideas are full of gaps. I usually can't figure out how to fill those gaps until I start writing. Unless of course the idea is still too vague.
I try to go with the most fully formed story. But that doesn't usually happen. Usually it's the story I'm most excited about. Even if it's riddled with holes.
For a while I thought I knew what the next story would be. We'll call it Arrin's story, since that's the protagonist's name (for now). But a couple days ago, I read about a bit of mythology that would make for an awesome end to a different story, which I'll call the Mist story.
So now I'm thinking about starting the Mist story instead. The problem is I don't really have any idea how to start that idea. But I already have the first chapter of Arrin's story written. I wrote it a couple years ago, so it will probably need lots of editing, but it is a solid start.
So we'll see. First I have to finish the last part of an edit where I kill off one of my favorite characters. TT^TT


Also, bluebirds! There were bluebirds at the zoo last week1 It's the first time I've ever seen wild bluebirds.
I was going up to my bosses going, "oh my gosh I saw bluebirds! There were four bluebirds right here!" As if I need to look crazy in front of my bosses @_@

Joyful for Others

Okay, I'm going to do a word of the day because WHY DOESN'T ANYONE KNOW THIS WORD?
The blog doesn't even recognize it as a real word. Nor does the dictionary on my computer.


Compersion: feeling joy because someone else is joyful.


We know what jealousy is - to want someone else's good fortune for ourselves (more or less). But we don't know how to be happy for someone else's fortune? (Not entirely, but we sure don't know the word for it @_@ )

(Thanks to Patrick Rothfuss for bringing this word to my knowledge).

Project for Awesome 2018: Giraffe Conservation Foundation

For the first time in forever, I made a video for the Project for Awesome!
It was fun and a lot easier than I expected. I had a proper video program this time @_@



Since I get to work with giraffes, I chose the Giraffe Conservation Foundation as my charity.

Here's where you can vote on mine, but go ahead and check out all the videos and pick your favorite charity to vote for!
Donate as well to help decrease world suck~


(Just like a cow, giraffes chew cud. Their cheeks get really chubby when they do)

Over the Garden Wall

Well, I feel like reviewing something.
I recently saw Over the Garden Wall. I thought it would be a long, but I watched the whole thing in one work night. It's a mini-series! And appropriately enough, I watched it the week before Halloween (not knowing that's when it took place).

I thought it came out just a year or two ago, but it was four years @_@

It's the kind of show that I appreciate a lot more after I've seen it twice. The first time you see it, it's hard to tell what's going on. But that's the point. You're supposed to feel lost along with Wirt and Greg. When you see the last couple episodes, you go, "Ohhhh, that's what that was all about."
The second time you see it, you can fit everything in place.
There are a lot of little details packed into it.

They wear their costumes the whole series. If one of their hats falls off, they snatch it and put it right back on. Normally it would be odd to be so set on wearing costumes for days on end, but I guess it has to do with them being caught between worlds.
When they're on the frog ferry, Beatrice thinks Wirt will be so bad at bassoon that they'll be kicked off the boat. Poor Wirt.
(Also, I have scissors just like the ones Beatrice needs. I laughed when I saw them in the cartoon because I bought a pair in Italy.)

My main complaint was the pacing. They spent a lot of time on silly random stuff, and very little time explaining important things. Like how the beast operates. It was said a couple passing times that if you lose hope, he'll get you. But it only mentioned very briefly that if you fall ill, he can also take you. Which is what happened to Greg.

Did Greg challenge the beast to a duel? Or did he trade himself for Wirt? That's never explained, though they wasted plenty of time in that episode.
And the character animation is a bit odd.

Moving on.
The stuff I found fascinating: character motivations and choices.
After thinking about it, I like Greg and Wirt for very different reasons. The more they unfold during the series, the better you understand them.
Wirt's confidence is so bad at first. He thinks he's a freak because he has a crush on a girl and plays clarinet. He feels so inferior to Jason Funderberker that he has no idea Sara actually likes him.
And most of his other classmates seem to like him pretty well too.

Beatrice doesn't realize how bad of a person Adelaide was, but she obviously has some idea. She says she though Adelaide only wanted them for yard work, but she must know that's not true.


And while Wirt has awful confidence, Greg is sure that everything will be fine. It makes him amazingly strong. Pretty much nothing ever gets him down. Even when someone is telling him something awful, he doesn't realize it, or he says he'll fix it.
And he is amazingly self-sacrificing, in big ant little ways. Like when he wants to hunt for frogs (and has wanted to for a while) but sees Wirt freaking out and they help him instead
And of course he tries to save Wirt from the beast.
Even when he's coughing up leaves, he doesn't think it's because he's in trouble.

Heck, when Wirt finds Greg wrapped up in the tree, and there's that song playing in the background, it's so powerful.
And the final encounter with the beast.
It's interesting how the final choice about the lantern goes to the Woodsman.

I found out form the internet that the Unknown, where the boys are trapped, is basically a bridge to the afterlife. They're on the verge of choosing life or death.

There are hints dropped through the series. Like some of the graves in the cemetery are named after characters in the Unknown (I think the rich tea-growing guy is there).
And the black train song, when they jump off the train tracks (you only hear the full thing on the soundtrack).
I didn't understand the title "Over the Garden Wall" until I saw the name of the cemetery is "The Eternal Garden." So, "over the garden wall" is basically "over the cemetery wall."
But also it seems to have actually happened, since the bell is still inside the frog at the end.

Sweetgrass

One of my work stations for a couple months gives me some time to sit and read if there aren't a lot of people around.
I've been reading a beautiful book called "Braiding Sweetgrass."
It's about an American Indian woman who went to school to become a scientist, and she ends up blending her scientific training with her traditional respect for life.
When I'm sitting at my station, I want to read more of this book, but the book makes me want to look out over the grass and watch the reindeer, clouds, and the songbirds and listen to the rain fall.
In a plain grass field there is so much to see (even if there aren't reindeer living on it).

An Old Favorite

I just rewatched the first X-Men. I haven't seen it in ages.
I kept laughing at random parts. Not because I don't like it anymore or because it's bad, but I guess from nostalgia or something? I kept laughing at how much they love to take off Wolverine's shirt, because they still do it all the time!
And some of the characters look so young. Part of me is going "aaw, look how little they are!" Even though they were probably older than me...
X2 is still my favorite X-Men movie but this first one blew me away when I was in middle school.
X2 was the last movie I truly committed to as my favorite film - until Coco came out. That's the next movie I'm going to watch.
Plus the guy I work with is a big Marvel nerd so it's nice to rewatch some of my old Marvel favorites~
I kind of want to reread some of the old comics too.

White Belt no More

The last month has been so crazy, I've hardly had time to breathe @_@ All the holiday stuff is getting into full swing at the zoo.
Been squeezing in writing time when I can. Band is almost out for the semester, so that will give me an extra evening every week.

Oh, I think I completely forgot to mention here! A couple weeks ago I passed my belt test for aikido! For the first time ever, I am no longer just a white belt. TT^TT
(And since some people don't know what that means, it's one step closer to becoming a black belt XP )
There's something very cool about telling people that I'm going to the dojo tonight, or that I have a real sensei.

Sensei is very cool. The whole class is great.

Sensei (talking to another student): "It's good to know some of the more important Japanese words to help with your understanding."
Me: "Like tabemashou?"
Sensei (rubbing his belly): "Yes, the most important."

Tabemashou means "let's eat." Everyone eats together on Monday nights. Which makes us feel all the more connected.

Kind Words

I was thinking this morning (while lying in bed and reading manga on my morning off) that people don't seem to say really kind, meaningful things to each other.
Sure, we compliment each other. "You did your hair nice today! I love your shirt. You're an awesome artist!"
But these things are all fairly superficial. I never hear people do in-depth praise, except in movies or something.

I've been debating about mentioning this for a while now, and I'm just going to go for it. I don't even care if she reads this. It's not like it should be a surprise to her. She's already accused me of writing secret evil messages on the blog. Maybe some people do that, but I don't. There's nothing secret about this.
The last time someone tried to make in-depth commentary about me, it ended up being remarkably cruel.
It wrecked me for a long time. My confidence and trust were destroyed.
When one of your so-called best friends spends over eight months putting nasty intent behind all your motivations, ripping apart your actions and thoughts, being disgusted about everything you say, and acting like you can't do anything right, it makes it hard to trust people.
It all ended summer of last year. Of course it ended up dragging in other people. One person didn't surprise me, considering she hadn't acted like my friend in a couple years. I guess a second person is okay about it. Or at least better about it. Of course now I'm terrified to talk to people considering how it ended up with that first friend I mentioned.
And no one seems to have any idea no matter how broken I felt, even when I tried to explain it.
I'm mostly better, but I was shot for a long time. I still have bad nights where I sit there feeling like people don't really care about me. They're only hanging around because it's convenient, and if they really know me they'll decide I'm not worth their time. Which is what she did.
Not only is it miserable to feel that way, but it's totally unfair to anyone that actually does care about you.

So, after that crazy interlude, this is what I was starting to say.
This morning I was thinking about how people don't say really kind things to each other. And I thought I should write out pages for my parents and a couple of my closest friends, saying what I really admire or love about them.
It feels very hard for a couple reason. Not because there's a shortage of great stuff about them, but because I've never really thought about the specifics of why I like someone. If I like them, then I like them. I don't try to define it to myself.
And the second reason it's hard is that I've never been very good about saying sappy stuff. Of course the idea is to give these pages to the person they're about. It's gonna take me a while to build up the courage to do that XD

I'd like to ask anyone reading this to try the same thing. In some cases, like with parents that you bicker with all the time, it can feel especially strange.
It's easy to criticize, but not always easy to give heartfelt praise.

But we have to at least try.
How can we not?

What are we Teaching Kids?

I came across an interview with Patrick Rothfuss, author of Name of the Wind.



I'm mostly posting it for the first part where he talks about childrens' books. Because I so freaking agree that some of them are pretty messed up when you take them apart...
For example one of the books we have for children at the zoo is about a baby giraffe going around and finding out that all the stereotypical negative things about the other animals are true and that they're not worth being around.
What the hell is that supposed to teach kids? Jeez.

Just a Cameo

In Evva's story, there's a couple characters that appear in the last few chapters.
One of them is Briena, who I wrote two full stories about. The other character is one of her teachers. It's strange to me to have Briena appear in such a brief role here since she's been one of my main characters since high school. She's been around long before Evva.

But since I still don't know how to remake her original story, now she's just a cameo appearance XP
I've tried many times to rethink her story, but I have nothing. I guess it's something that will have to appear in its own time.

Keep Your Mind Flexible

I guess most people have some beliefs that they won't change no matter what. It can be good to stick to your ideals. But it's not good to be completely rigid to the point of excluding all else. Because sometimes beliefs are wrong (people that insist climate change is fake, for example).

I try to be open, but I have my points I won't change my mind about either. Especially when it comes to human relationships to the rest of the planet.
Though recently I was impressed that a really good argument swayed me on a subject that I thought I was adamant about.

I was listening to a program about the art of debate. They were talking about arguments for and against changing the legal age of drinking. I thought I'd considered most of the arguments for that subject. But then he gave an argument that came at it from an entirely different angle (If someone is old enough to fight and die for their country, shouldn't they be old enough to legally drink?). And in that moment I could see the other side of the argument in a new light (Though admittedly when he gave more evidence, I found my original opinion come back to the foreground).

I forget where I was going with this post.
I guess learn to appreciate other points of view? Be willing to change our opinion, if necessary?
Well, something like that XD

Deltarune

I saw about a week ago what looked like the next Undertale game.


The demo is out! It's not really a sequel to Undertale. It seems to take place during an alternate timeline.
I finally played it last night. I only died once! At least until I tried to fight the hidden boss tonight (then gave up and watched it on youtube). I may have improved dramatically from my Undertale playthrough, but it will probably take me far too long to beat that guy, and I don't want to waste so much time on a demo when I can watch someone else do it. XD
It's awesome to see all the nods to Undertale. And to see the changes and similarities in gameplay.
Man, that ending though. I hope Kris ends up okay TT^TT They have some... concerning signs even before the end.

Also, Ralsei is adorable

(His name is totally an anagram of Asriel)

Eat Real Food

I just read a book called Fast Food Nation.
Since high school, I've eaten very little fast food. There's only a couple places I went to on occasion, like Taco Bell.
But I don't think I'll be going there anymore. Or any other fast food place.

I won't go into detail about the entire book. But basically fast food treats their employees like literal machine parts. Work conditions are unsafe, and these companies have so much power that they can prevent the minimum wage from being raised (among other things, like making it hard to enforce food safety).
Food can be unsafe. Not just unhealthy, but unsafe. As in children dying unsafe.
It's increased the amount of beef consumption insanely, which is not sustainable for the planet.
Real cattle ranchers are forced out of business.
And many many other things.
Don't support fast food.
Though it seems like there may be one exception.
As I was reading, I realized this book may push me to give up the few fast food places I visit. I figured I'd have to give up In-N-Out too. But then near the very end of the book they said that In-N-Out pays its employees well and has food that's actually good quality.
So it looks like there is one fast food places that's okay to support!


I recommend the book. You should know where your food comes from.
Vote with your money. And encourage others to do the same.

Spirits Day

It's Dia do los Muertos. Or I guess more accurately, the last two nights have been Dia do los Muertos.
I got home too late last night to do anything, except listen to half of the Coco soundtrack.
Tonight I walked to the cemetery near my house, but it wasn't open. I guess they don't stay open late, even for Dia de Muertos. (I used to be able to sneak in, but that's a rather time-consuming thing. Plus, I think they've locked off all the old routes...)
I'll have to get back there during my weekend to pay some respects.

Tonight I watched part of Coco. Man, I still melt all over that movie. Though I feel like I've squeezed all of the little details and surprises out of it.
I need to watch the whole movie again. I haven't done that in several weeks (heheh).



There's a celebration nearby this weekend. I think I might be able to go to part of it after work.

I realized that I'd meant to do something of my own for Dia de los Muertos.
Which meant that at 10:30 PM tonight, you would have found me in the backyard with a flashlight, piking the few marigold flowers that actually look nice.
They smell good. My hands still smell like marigolds.
I grabbed my only two candles and put them on my dresser, along with four little marigold flowers in a shotglass.
I don't have many nice framed photos, so it's more of a pile of photos on my dresser. But I hope that suffices.
Not nearly as nice as the ones in the movie. I guess I'll have to do better next year.



Even if it's late at night, send your love to the loved ones who are no longer with us.

The Book List

I think it started when I was in middle school. I wrote down all the books I wanted to read on scraps of paper and put them in a box. That way I could reach into the box and pick out my next book. It would always be a surprise.
I kept doing that for a long time.
After a while I didn't care about keeping the books random. But there were a lot of them and I didn't want to have to type all of them out as a list.
So I put it off.
And kept putting it off.
And the number of scraps in the box kept building. It was a pain if I ever had to go through them for any reason to find a specific book.

Finally I couldn't take it anymore. I spent two nights typing out all of those books on my computer.
The list is 12 pages long.
12 pages.
That's over 500 books.



Will the list ever get shorter? I read a lot, but even the books I have at my house never seem to diminish in number. I haven't even been buying any books lately! But they keep multiplying.
Well, at some point I have to read some of the oldest books on the list that have been there for over 15 years.

Office

We moved into our new office this week.
It's much nicer than the last room we were using. It has a nice big window.
I feel so official having a real office.

Book Club

I went to a book club earlier this week. I've never actually been to a book club before. Though I have done many classes which included book discussions. And I've discussed many books with people I know.
The meeting was at a big name bookstore, about a rather well known book. And it's in an area with plenty of people (as opposed to out in the country or something).

And there were only three of us.

The leader of the book club got the assignment at the last minute because the original leader of the discussion had a family emergency. So he'd only read half of the book.
And the other lady that came had read most of it, but still had a few chapters left.

It's hard to discuss a book when the other people haven't finished it yet.

Wifi-less

Last week I had a couple days off to go back up to Yosemite/Wawona, where I worked last year.
It was cool to see everything again. My neck was mostly better, so I was able to walk around some. Thankfully.
I finally got to the Mariposa grove, which was closed last year so I never got to see the trees @_@


I met up with my old boss and stayed in the big old hotel.
The wifi was out, so I had no internet or TV for two days. Which was fine. I should get away from internet more often. I did have my laptop to write. And I had books to keep me company. After all, Wawona is the place to hang out on deck chairs and relax in beautiful surroundings.

Best Flamingo Ever

One last animal post XD
Watch about 20 seconds of this. This is the cutest freaking flamingo ever.



This is a scene from the show "Secrets of the Zoo."

Cub Photos

Dude, I never posted the photos of the baby snow leopards!





They're already a lot bigger. These are from a couple months ago.

Zoo Photos

I'm just going to dump a bunch of these here. These are from the last few months.


Guanaco


Black and white ruffed lemur, hanging like a bat


This is one of my favorite photos out of all of them.
Red tailed boa with a dying dart frog sitting on his head.


Prarie dog loaf (dude prarie dogs have entire languages with nouns, verbs, and adjectives @_@ )


Red ruffed lemur tucked into a ball


River otter


Grizzly bear. She's holding her foot out of the water XD


Our Sumatran tigers snuggling. He's got his paw draped over her back~


She's got a goats milk pop sickle


Baby francois langur. Babies are born bright orange


Siberian tiger
Flehmen response: When an animal like a cat smells something really interesting and opens their mouth to pull the scent in. It's adorable.


Over the course of 10 minutes her tongue kept coming out farther and farther.


Sifaka, rolled into a perfect ball


Baby mandrill




Red pandas eat bamboo, just like giant pandas


Siberian tiger


Red panda


Zebras lined up perfectly


West African crowned crane.
I love it when they ruffle their feathers. They look like porcupine birds.

Look at People when you Talk to Them

Last week was one of the really big fundraisers for the zoo. I was scheduled to help out with it. I'd never done a big event like this, and wasn't sure what to expect. I kept teasing about how I'd handle a night with lots of rich people and lots of alcohol.
Half of that is pretty silly since I've known plenty of rich people. It's not like they're aliens or anything XD
A lot of people would consider me rich, considering I have plenty of food, a nice place to live, and even a car.
And as to the alcohol, well, I didn't have to stay the whole night so I was was gone before that became a thing. Though someone did spill wine on me. They were rather mortified, but it didn't bother me. It's just a work jacket. Wine is a lot less messy than other messes at the zoo (like when giraffe drool blows into your face).

What ended up being the main problem? I hurt my neck really badly the day before. I could barely turn my head. I still can't turn it all the way, though it's a lot better. It's really hard to talk to people without moving your head. Especially when you're talking to tall people.

Other than that the event went really well. I was there to talk to our donors about giraffes.

All the people I talked to were really great and excited about them. Some of them knew quite a bit about giraffes and had even seen them in the wild.

The boss of the whole zoo even invited me to stay for a drink. I had to go "I caaan't! I can't move. TT^TT "

The Dragon Giraffe

Okay, this is our four-year-old giraffe.


There's a little spot just above her shoulder blade


And it seriously looks just like Toothless? Imagine seeing Toothless flying, or maybe diving with his wings tucked in a bit


Do you see it? @_@