Sweetgrass

One of my work stations for a couple months gives me some time to sit and read if there aren't a lot of people around.
I've been reading a beautiful book called "Braiding Sweetgrass."
It's about an American Indian woman who went to school to become a scientist, and she ends up blending her scientific training with her traditional respect for life.
When I'm sitting at my station, I want to read more of this book, but the book makes me want to look out over the grass and watch the reindeer, clouds, and the songbirds and listen to the rain fall.
In a plain grass field there is so much to see (even if there aren't reindeer living on it).

An Old Favorite

I just rewatched the first X-Men. I haven't seen it in ages.
I kept laughing at random parts. Not because I don't like it anymore or because it's bad, but I guess from nostalgia or something? I kept laughing at how much they love to take off Wolverine's shirt, because they still do it all the time!
And some of the characters look so young. Part of me is going "aaw, look how little they are!" Even though they were probably older than me...
X2 is still my favorite X-Men movie but this first one blew me away when I was in middle school.
X2 was the last movie I truly committed to as my favorite film - until Coco came out. That's the next movie I'm going to watch.
Plus the guy I work with is a big Marvel nerd so it's nice to rewatch some of my old Marvel favorites~
I kind of want to reread some of the old comics too.

White Belt no More

The last month has been so crazy, I've hardly had time to breathe @_@ All the holiday stuff is getting into full swing at the zoo.
Been squeezing in writing time when I can. Band is almost out for the semester, so that will give me an extra evening every week.

Oh, I think I completely forgot to mention here! A couple weeks ago I passed my belt test for aikido! For the first time ever, I am no longer just a white belt. TT^TT
(And since some people don't know what that means, it's one step closer to becoming a black belt XP )
There's something very cool about telling people that I'm going to the dojo tonight, or that I have a real sensei.

Sensei is very cool. The whole class is great.

Sensei (talking to another student): "It's good to know some of the more important Japanese words to help with your understanding."
Me: "Like tabemashou?"
Sensei (rubbing his belly): "Yes, the most important."

Tabemashou means "let's eat." Everyone eats together on Monday nights. Which makes us feel all the more connected.

Kind Words

I was thinking this morning (while lying in bed and reading manga on my morning off) that people don't seem to say really kind, meaningful things to each other.
Sure, we compliment each other. "You did your hair nice today! I love your shirt. You're an awesome artist!"
But these things are all fairly superficial. I never hear people do in-depth praise, except in movies or something.

I've been debating about mentioning this for a while now, and I'm just going to go for it. I don't even care if she reads this. It's not like it should be a surprise to her. She's already accused me of writing secret evil messages on the blog. Maybe some people do that, but I don't. There's nothing secret about this.
The last time someone tried to make in-depth commentary about me, it ended up being remarkably cruel.
It wrecked me for a long time. My confidence and trust were destroyed.
When one of your so-called best friends spends over eight months putting nasty intent behind all your motivations, ripping apart your actions and thoughts, being disgusted about everything you say, and acting like you can't do anything right, it makes it hard to trust people.
It all ended summer of last year. Of course it ended up dragging in other people. One person didn't surprise me, considering she hadn't acted like my friend in a couple years. I guess a second person is okay about it. Or at least better about it. Of course now I'm terrified to talk to people considering how it ended up with that first friend I mentioned.
And no one seems to have any idea no matter how broken I felt, even when I tried to explain it.
I'm mostly better, but I was shot for a long time. I still have bad nights where I sit there feeling like people don't really care about me. They're only hanging around because it's convenient, and if they really know me they'll decide I'm not worth their time. Which is what she did.
Not only is it miserable to feel that way, but it's totally unfair to anyone that actually does care about you.

So, after that crazy interlude, this is what I was starting to say.
This morning I was thinking about how people don't say really kind things to each other. And I thought I should write out pages for my parents and a couple of my closest friends, saying what I really admire or love about them.
It feels very hard for a couple reason. Not because there's a shortage of great stuff about them, but because I've never really thought about the specifics of why I like someone. If I like them, then I like them. I don't try to define it to myself.
And the second reason it's hard is that I've never been very good about saying sappy stuff. Of course the idea is to give these pages to the person they're about. It's gonna take me a while to build up the courage to do that XD

I'd like to ask anyone reading this to try the same thing. In some cases, like with parents that you bicker with all the time, it can feel especially strange.
It's easy to criticize, but not always easy to give heartfelt praise.

But we have to at least try.
How can we not?

What are we Teaching Kids?

I came across an interview with Patrick Rothfuss, author of Name of the Wind.



I'm mostly posting it for the first part where he talks about childrens' books. Because I so freaking agree that some of them are pretty messed up when you take them apart...
For example one of the books we have for children at the zoo is about a baby giraffe going around and finding out that all the stereotypical negative things about the other animals are true and that they're not worth being around.
What the hell is that supposed to teach kids? Jeez.

Just a Cameo

In Evva's story, there's a couple characters that appear in the last few chapters.
One of them is Briena, who I wrote two full stories about. The other character is one of her teachers. It's strange to me to have Briena appear in such a brief role here since she's been one of my main characters since high school. She's been around long before Evva.

But since I still don't know how to remake her original story, now she's just a cameo appearance XP
I've tried many times to rethink her story, but I have nothing. I guess it's something that will have to appear in its own time.

Keep Your Mind Flexible

I guess most people have some beliefs that they won't change no matter what. It can be good to stick to your ideals. But it's not good to be completely rigid to the point of excluding all else. Because sometimes beliefs are wrong (people that insist climate change is fake, for example).

I try to be open, but I have my points I won't change my mind about either. Especially when it comes to human relationships to the rest of the planet.
Though recently I was impressed that a really good argument swayed me on a subject that I thought I was adamant about.

I was listening to a program about the art of debate. They were talking about arguments for and against changing the legal age of drinking. I thought I'd considered most of the arguments for that subject. But then he gave an argument that came at it from an entirely different angle (If someone is old enough to fight and die for their country, shouldn't they be old enough to legally drink?). And in that moment I could see the other side of the argument in a new light (Though admittedly when he gave more evidence, I found my original opinion come back to the foreground).

I forget where I was going with this post.
I guess learn to appreciate other points of view? Be willing to change our opinion, if necessary?
Well, something like that XD

Deltarune

I saw about a week ago what looked like the next Undertale game.


The demo is out! It's not really a sequel to Undertale. It seems to take place during an alternate timeline.
I finally played it last night. I only died once! At least until I tried to fight the hidden boss tonight (then gave up and watched it on youtube). I may have improved dramatically from my Undertale playthrough, but it will probably take me far too long to beat that guy, and I don't want to waste so much time on a demo when I can watch someone else do it. XD
It's awesome to see all the nods to Undertale. And to see the changes and similarities in gameplay.
Man, that ending though. I hope Kris ends up okay TT^TT They have some... concerning signs even before the end.

Also, Ralsei is adorable

(His name is totally an anagram of Asriel)

Eat Real Food

I just read a book called Fast Food Nation.
Since high school, I've eaten very little fast food. There's only a couple places I went to on occasion, like Taco Bell.
But I don't think I'll be going there anymore. Or any other fast food place.

I won't go into detail about the entire book. But basically fast food treats their employees like literal machine parts. Work conditions are unsafe, and these companies have so much power that they can prevent the minimum wage from being raised (among other things, like making it hard to enforce food safety).
Food can be unsafe. Not just unhealthy, but unsafe. As in children dying unsafe.
It's increased the amount of beef consumption insanely, which is not sustainable for the planet.
Real cattle ranchers are forced out of business.
And many many other things.
Don't support fast food.
Though it seems like there may be one exception.
As I was reading, I realized this book may push me to give up the few fast food places I visit. I figured I'd have to give up In-N-Out too. But then near the very end of the book they said that In-N-Out pays its employees well and has food that's actually good quality.
So it looks like there is one fast food places that's okay to support!


I recommend the book. You should know where your food comes from.
Vote with your money. And encourage others to do the same.

Spirits Day

It's Dia do los Muertos. Or I guess more accurately, the last two nights have been Dia do los Muertos.
I got home too late last night to do anything, except listen to half of the Coco soundtrack.
Tonight I walked to the cemetery near my house, but it wasn't open. I guess they don't stay open late, even for Dia de Muertos. (I used to be able to sneak in, but that's a rather time-consuming thing. Plus, I think they've locked off all the old routes...)
I'll have to get back there during my weekend to pay some respects.

Tonight I watched part of Coco. Man, I still melt all over that movie. Though I feel like I've squeezed all of the little details and surprises out of it.
I need to watch the whole movie again. I haven't done that in several weeks (heheh).



There's a celebration nearby this weekend. I think I might be able to go to part of it after work.

I realized that I'd meant to do something of my own for Dia de los Muertos.
Which meant that at 10:30 PM tonight, you would have found me in the backyard with a flashlight, piking the few marigold flowers that actually look nice.
They smell good. My hands still smell like marigolds.
I grabbed my only two candles and put them on my dresser, along with four little marigold flowers in a shotglass.
I don't have many nice framed photos, so it's more of a pile of photos on my dresser. But I hope that suffices.
Not nearly as nice as the ones in the movie. I guess I'll have to do better next year.



Even if it's late at night, send your love to the loved ones who are no longer with us.