I've been trying to inhabit the mindspace of a character -specifically Ginger. Here's what I've got so far.
_________________________________________________________
It’s hard knowing I’ll never be the favorite.
I’ve always
known that, but there are times when it hits me harder than most. Knowing the things I say don’t get
through no matter how many times I say it; it’s hard. Trying every day to be
something that I’m just not and hoping that maybe it might make me a little
better is even harder.
What I do, what I say, what I think and feel, whenever
it’s wrong there’s always someone there to witness it. My efforts go unnoticed,
my triumphs are brushed aside or others take the credit. And my failures are
enshrined in the temple of things not to do.
But those very same triumphs are given high praise, and the very same failures are swept away whenever their someone else's.
I’m
capable. I am. I know I am. Others tell me so. I can see it for myself. I am capable.
But
others tell me it’s a lie. And I believe
them. I know it's not true, but I believe them. It's easy to believe them. It’s hard to fight it.
It drains my energy to convince
myself that I can do it. It’s exhausting to remind people who I am. That I am me and not my sister. It’s been a
long and hard fight every day of my life. And I’m getting tired of it.
That was my interpretation of Ginger, concerning palace life and always being one-upped by her younger sister. Personally, I think her view of herself and those around her has the potential to be really skewed. It seems like she's making herself the victim, or that she is in fact not very capable even though she thinks she is.
I suppose you could take her word on the way the castle people treat her, but it seems very one-sided since it's just the one character's point of view. Maybe I need more background info on her to make a convincing map of her thought process. That or she's just really depressed at this particular moment.
Thoughts?
Now I have to get Saleera down on paper.
7 comments:
Hmmmm I don't think these comment is correct since this drabble's more of a 'get into someone's head' thing rather than an actual story (I'm also bad at critiquing first person POVs) but...here goes nothing: it's a good start but it's rather heavy on the 'tell' rather than showing. I'm guessing that's on purpose but it makes it rather hard to relate to Ginger since it feels very much like she's playing victim which, while you said might be the case, makes her come off as very unsympathetic (and I don't think that was your intent?), rather than genuinely distressed about or just genuinely believing in her own supposed ineptitude. Or...I guess a better way to put it is that there's a lack of...self-blame. For example, in the line 'Knowing the things I say don’t get through no matter how many times I say it...', there's a distinct 'they're wrong, not me, but they just won't listen' sort of feeling to it, which I think is actually the dominant 'feeling' in this piece. Though...wait, is Ginger supposed to feel/think that she's a failure or is it that she just hates on the palace people because they don't like her/think she's a failure when she's not and they won't give her a chance? Or is it both? Neither?...I think I'm confused...
At any rate, it might help to include a scenario where Ginger tries super hard at something and succeeds but then her sister comes along, does better, and everyone fawns over her whilst discreetly (or just passively aggressively) putting down Ginger's accomplishment (Random but I thought of a scene that involved macaroni art). Uhhh...what else was there...I think there was something else but I forgot...this comment's long enough anyway...Maybe I'll fix this later.
Ha ha ha macaroni art sounds awesome.
Well the thing is I'm not quite sure about Ginger's situation as much either. I wrote this with the intent that we could take her word on it, but without actually seeing the act in question we can't really tell.
So yeah, this would definitely have to show more than it does, but because I'm lazy and can't think of a good way to show it I just left it with an internal monologue.
But here's the thing, as a young adult don't we usually take what we read at face value? I know I used to, but then again kids these days are so exposed to media filled with bias that I can't be sure what they're thinking.
To me it seems like there's not enough focus on her not believing in herself. There's a lot of focus on the idea of "I'm right they're wrong" and maybe that's something that I can fix to make it seem like she's tending toward the "I think I'm right, I'm pretty sure I'm right, I'm probably wrong."
I'm assuming she's supposed to feel more like a failure than her just hating on people who won't listen to her. But I think that the latter could definitely be a flaw that could still be incorporated into her personality.
It feels like I'm trying to work a profile backwards to get the behavior :)
But here's what I wanted to get at. The truth of the matter is that Ginger is no better than Agate, but neither is Agate. They are relatively the same, but Agate is just somehow better accepted by the people (royal or otherwise). Is it because Ginger's too capable and people are intimidated? Or is it because Agate's a better people person? Or is it just that Agate's just a smidgen better than Ginger overall?
I guess it boils down to "Why is Agate perceived as better?"
Now I'm gonna think on Saleera some more and post something like a bio.
Mmmm...well, it's not like I don't think what she's saying about the actions of others (knowing how the story goes, her words are the 'truth'), it's just that her internal monologue lead to an emotional disconnect for me so even though her words were the 'truth', I don't particularly want to 'believe' her. You know what I mean? Of course that might just be a flaw of mine so...I dunno.
This is gonna get confusing cause I'm not lining up the answers in the correct paragraph numbers but when you say 'there's not enough focus on her not believing in herself' do you mean in general/in your own head or in this drabble/character study specifically? Either way, I agree with you and that was probably my biggest problem with the drabble.
I guess a better word would be 'frustration' rather than 'hatred', huh?
I figured she and Agate are supposed to be about 'equal' in terms of ability (though from what I remember about the old story, Ginger's higher up on morality) but Agate is just more 'popular' for one reason or another (or no reason at all). Uh, I suppose clarifying the 'macaroni art' scenario would be useful at this time.
Basically, what I imagined is that at four years old or something, the two made macaroni art of...a horse and showed their work to anyone with eyes. After seeing the two 'masterpieces', the people would praise Agate's 'creative' of macaroni for the horse's legs and how 'wonderful' a horse's 'magnificent spirit' while telling Ginger that her horse has a crooked nose and the macaroni was used 'improperly' even though, frankly, both pictures literally just have a stick figure horse made of macaroni...what was the point of actually explaining the scene? I dunno...I guess...perhaps it illustrates the 'absurdity' of the situation or the 'arbitrary' belief/decision that Agate is 'better' created by the people around them. But anyway,it can snowball from macaroni art to everything else until Ginger believes that every action Agate performs is better than anything Ginger does simply by virtue of being done by Agate and not her (or to put it more clearly, in Ginger's head, Agate is good [not in the moral sense] so everything she does is 'good' while Ginger is 'bad' so everything she does is 'bad' even if the two take the exact same actions as the other).
...I still don't know why I explained all that. It's just the feeling I guess. Though...in actuality, don't people like Agate better because she's more socially savvy than Ginger is? Ah, one more thing though: perhaps a better way to answer the question of why Agate is perceived as 'better' would be to look at the people around them and examine their personalities, beliefs and whatnot (e.g. the king likes Agate more because she's similar to him in personality and interests etc.)
Ah...it's super long...sorry, I tend to get carried away even when it's not really your character. Good luck with Saleera though.
First before I respond, the comment page of blogger is really poorly formatted.
I know what you mean when you say that you don't want to believe her (about her situation). There is a lack of emotions or at least enough to say, "Yes that is how it is. Sucks to be you."
There's not enough focus on her not believing in herself in this drabble/character study specifically. No idea if this is even how she's supposed to be in terms of the story, yet.
Frustration is a good word, hate is a little strong for Ginger, huh?
I think that the differences in ability would be best seen if there were more than a few minutes difference in their ages. If maybe Ginger were a few years older and everyone marvels at how good Agate is at... macaroni art.
For example, at age six Ginger learned what macaroni art was. She made a horse out of macaroni which people praised. Then at the age of 4 Agate started macaroni art. At the age of 6 Agate's macaroni art is compared to Ginger's macaroni art that she had made at the age of 6.
People comment how Agate is better at macaroni art than Ginger is.
Like that if they had a few years gap, but since they don't I can't think of why Agate would be better than Ginger... Networking? Marketing? I don't know....
Hmm, it feels a bit off.
Ginger isn't really one to openly feel sorry for herself. As in "It's so hard not being the favorite."
It's mostly a big thing in the back of her mind, eating away at her, I guess
Yeah it does feel a bit off, can't quite put my finger on it. But if you think of it like she's just thinking to herself does it seem ok? She never really references a listener.
Yeah, I figured that was the case, but it seems too concrete even as a thought. (Me repeating myself) It's a big vague thing that kind of lurks in the background, but she tries not to let it get to her. It does anyway though
Post a Comment