Japanese Gift Giving

To start I'm going to talk about something my coworker told me about living in Japan.

Everything in Japan is muzukashii (difficult) or mendokusai (a pain in the butt)

When he first said this, I laughed so hard, because it's so true.

It's easily the simplest way to describe Japanese culture, and possible to a similar extent, Asian culture.

Time for some anecdotes.

Normally when you get a present for your birthday, graduation, or whatever else, you send a thank you card.  Simple enough.  In Japan there's a whole process.

Let's say you want to give someone a present.  You don't just hand it to them and say "congratulations, here ya go".  No.  You have to say, "Oh it's not much, but here's something for you." or "It probably won't be to your liking, but please accept this." or "My stupid daughter made this cake, it's probably not very good, but please try it."

Yes, they will actually call their children stupid, dumb, idiotic, slow, bad, horrible, etc.  They don't necessarily mean it.  It's a way of being polite by lowering themselves/their present.

So you've given them a gift yay!  Let's talk about getting a gift.

When you receive a gift, you must send a thank you gift.
Ok fine.
Your thank you gift must be at least 1/2 of the value of the gift you've received.  So you got $100 worth of a present, send back $50 worth of a present
Sure, not a problem.
But when you've received a thank you gift, you're supposed to send a "thank you for the thank you gift" gift.  Again, half the value of the present you've received.  So 100->50->25
So when you're gotten a "thank you for the thank-you gift" gift, you've got to send another "thank you for the thank you gift for the thank you gift" gift.  Again half the price of the most recent gift you've received.  12.50
And then you slowly keep sending and receiving presents until you've whittled the expense to almost nothing.  By that point it is acceptable to stop sending thank you gifts.

Also if you go on a trip, even to a town a few hours away, you must, I repeat, MUST, bring back a souvenir (omiyage).  Not only to your friends, but to your coworkers, or to anyone else who you've told that you're going, or who will find out you're going.  Because they'll talk.  I swear they have nothing better to do than talk about the people they know.  It's like having to deal with a bunch of high schoolers.  You do something, anything, and everybody EVERYBODY will know about it.  And if you don't bring back an omiyage (souvenir) you will essentially be telling them, "you're not important enough for an omiyage" and that is a can of worms you do not want to open up.

Passive-aggressiveness.  I think the Japanese might have invented that too...

The passive-aggressive wrath of japanese people is something to be feared.

So sound medokusai (troublesome) enough for you?

Well it is to me.

There are so many obligatory occasions for gift-giving too.  It's ridiculous.  I just sent my family my "first paycheck gift".  (I got my first paycheck, although it's technically a start up stipend.)  The thing I was supposed to buy was 6000 yen.  I bought something for 4600 yen.  Shipping was supposed to be 6000 yen.  I shipped it for 5000 yen.

Roughly I should have spent $120.00.  I spent around $100.00
My net profit from my stipend? about -$20.00
Yes, I lost money this month after working.   And that is my example of why gift-giving in Japan is medokusai (a pain in the butt)

Not to say that it isn't nice sometimes, constantly giving and receiving presents.  It is nice, and a nice gesture as well.  It's just that it's so muzukashii (complicated) that makes it so medokusai.  I wouldn't mind if people just gave gifts because they wanted to, rather than because of some societal call for politeness and self-preservation.

Muzukashii and mendokusai.